Monday, November 10, 2014

But Why Does Anyone Need 72-Hour Deodorant Protection?

Sweaty ad writer?
Respect all writers trying to make a buck; they work hard. But throw in some sympathy, too, for those who have to write blurbs with information I find puzzling. 

My brand of deodorant, for instance, boasts 72-hour protection. Now, my body requires only 24, maybe 30 hours of protection. That is because I shower pretty much once every 24 hours or so, just like many Americans. But though I cannot believe they are this company’s core customer base, I have to assume some folks out there need to ensure they smell okay for up to three whole days.

But who? World-class wilderness campers? Youth pastors leading a retreat during which opportunities to shower will be zero? Teens who have no intention of bathing until hour 73? Sweaty ad writers?

Then there is my brand of dental floss, which is called “hi-tech.” Perhaps I don’t understand the meaning of hi or tech, but isn’t this a thin, coated string that is not as dependent on technology as those words would have us believe? Even adding mint flavoring cannot be all that hard, right?

Last, in the grocery aisles we find various products that are “packed with goodness.” I have this one figured out! This is to make up for the fact that some of us don't cook from scratch, making it less likely to eat actual goodness. But we understand that the blurb writer would be fired for suggesting copy that said, “Processed for your convenience with some stuff that may or may not be as bad for you as other stuff we know qualifies as badness.” We buy the stuff anyway.

I don't really know what else to say. It's like 72-hour deodorant. There is only so much you can say.

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